letters

i used to write letters
on carefully picked papers
with specific stationery 

i loved signing them off
yours 
yours faithfully
yours truly
yours sincerely
something about belonging 
to others felt right
being known in connection
because somehow i was never really mine

dont get me wrong
i love (loved) the people i wrote for 

i thought i could stack words 
on top of one another
and call it a person
that the long lists
of 'yours' would make me one

but i cannot

people are too many words 
to fit on a page or eight

i felt this need to 
romanticise relationships
write them in ink
to be able to feel them

dont get me wrong (again)
i love the art of crafting letters

thinking of words 
putting them together
handmaking envelopes 

but i cannot

because paper trails 
don't do justice 
to constellations

i used to write letters 
to 'my future self'
hoping she was better

but i cannot

split myself in three
a past, present, future, me


i will still write letters
on carefully picked papers
with specific stationery

but i will not
sign them off with a


yours sincerely