letters

i used to write letters
on carefully picked papers
with specific stationery 

i loved signing them off
yours 
yours faithfully
yours truly
yours sincerely
something about belonging 
to others felt right
being known in connection
because somehow i was never really mine

dont get me wrong
i love (loved) the people i wrote for 

i thought i could stack words 
on top of one another
and call it a person
that the long lists
of 'yours' would make me one

but i cannot

people are too many words 
to fit on a page or eight

i felt this need to 
romanticise relationships
write them in ink
to be able to feel them

dont get me wrong (again)
i love the art of crafting letters

thinking of words 
putting them together
handmaking envelopes 

but i cannot

because paper trails 
don't do justice 
to constellations

i used to write letters 
to 'my future self'
hoping she was better

but i cannot

split myself in three
a past, present, future, me


i will still write letters
on carefully picked papers
with specific stationery

but i will not
sign them off with a


yours sincerely

Time Travelling

I am stuck.

The fabric of time has wound itself around me
I stepped in, mesmerized by the colours
And now

I am stuck.

Taped to this tapestry
Sewn-in which are tales of my history
Of what little is left in memory

I am stuck.

On a day of the past
Sitting in front of a little television
Now things get a little fast;

The television shows
With all the blows
The Contra game
Mario jumping into his fame
My father
My mother
My family
On the carpet giggling
Cutting pictures together laughing
The trees
The Bees
That bit me too often, alright
The colours are bright
As we paint a pot
The winds outside carry shades of hues
Painting the world, a colour other than the blues
My room with fairy-lights strewn
Glowing stars on the roof
Board games
Bored games
Everything

And stop.

I am stuck.

Like a cassette stuck on the same song
Nostalgia;
That has lasted too long

I am stuck.

The winds just carry blues and greys
These days
Time is now just a blurry haze
Passing, as I sit and gaze

I am stuck.

Rattlesnakes

Open the box slowly, 

Careful not to them let them in out,

Slide your fingers below the lid,

Pull it off.

*Clang*

*Hiss*

One slithers out

Slowly

Calculatingly

It whispers into your ear

Singing tales 

Venomous to the core

Wraps itself slowly around your neck

Cutting your breath 

Choking you

It snakes around your chest

Crushing your ribs

Digging into your heart

Makes a hit for what matters most,

Innocently pretends nothing is wrong

Seeks your shoulder to cry on

But asks you not to pry on

Once you know the truth

Go ahead

Throw a stone at it

Scream at it to go away

It recoils, 'wounded'

Remember, victimisation is her game play. 

Another slithers out 

Pretentiously

Sweetly 

Stares at you with its beady eyes

Convinces you that it means good

Bites you when you look the other side

This one claims to love you

As it fraternises with the enemy 

This one blames you of creating camps

Accuses you of the divisions.

It says it has morals,

So it won't bite your neck

Instead it will slowly cut into your heart

Because you thought it wasn't a threat.

One more crawls out

Sickeningly

Jealously 

A late arrival

Wrapping itself around your head

Telling you, they're happy for you

As their vicious tongue gives you a lick

You smile

Swat it off, lightly 

But it tightens the grip

Unsure of what it wants itself

Puts you on the guilt trip

They rattle you to the core

Creating their nest in your stomach

Burrowing into you

Throw them out

Scrape them off

Don't house them any longer

Out-about

Looking for another person to devour,

Meticulously they shed their skins

With it, the guilt of their sins.

Little Lessons My Dad Has Taught Me

How to shop
Always use your gut feeling as a guide, Because if it doesn't instantly 'click' it isn't worth it,
Always remember to bargain, no matter the price.

How to socialise 
Talk to everyone and anyone,
From the guard at the gates,
To telling jokes to the shopkeeper inside,
Everyone has a story to tell
And a story worth hearing

How to garden
Always trim the leaves a little,
Water regularly,
Add manure every month,
But most importantly- talk to them,
Tell them how well they're growing,
How proud of them you are,
And how loved they are

How to spot shapes in clouds
Find a curve nearest to the sun,
Close one eye,
Put your finger against it,
Draw across the rest of the cloud,
And then let your imagination do the magic

A picture of one of the first planes my dad flew

How to keep memories
Click a picture of everything and anything,
Nothing is too little to matter,
Write it down,
As a poem, 
A story, 
Anything that keeps the moment alive,
For years to come along

My dad at 6 AM arranging flowers, making a mess 

How to Take Care of Flowers
Find the prettiest vase in the house,
Cut the base of the stems,
Put them in fresh water everyday,
Pull out the dried petals,
Remember the person who gave them to you, 
Everytime you see them in the day,
Pat your own head if they're a gift to yourself

My plate from a breakfast buffet

How to eat a buffet
Remember every buffet is an opportunity to decorate your plate,
Stay light on the appetizers,
Taste everything,
Don't be afraid to go for second servings (or even a hundredth)
Smile at everyone you see,
Because unlimited good food, music and cola,
Make life worth living 

Ferris Wheel

Take a deep breath 

Wipe your sweaty palms

Again and again and again

Grip your seat tightly

Chew on your fingers nails

Ask yourself whether you shouldve said that

Shouldve said that

Said that

That

Done that 

Shouldve done that

Ask yourself whether you shouldve done that

As soon as you begin to feel at peace with your own self 

It spins once again

Throwing you back in your seat 

Looking around for something to hold onto

Fidgety fidgeting fingers

Breathless breathing

Screaming, endless screaming

The feeling of ants crawling up and down your arms

And your thoughts crashing in a million per second

Rattling inside your brain

Something is wrong but nothing is

And then you're a little at ease

But not too much

Convinced yourself there isn't anything to worry about

But you're still unsure

It spins once again.