Teenagery Musings Before I Complete Two Decades: Boxes and Rooms

I am not one

To go back to messages exchanged

Words typed and backspaced

Emotions behind dimly lit screens 

But when I do

It feels like unpacking packed boxes

Ones lost (forgotten? lost? forgotten?)

While shifting 

towns, 

homes,
and rooms

With a friend's comforting words 

In a city lost in blurs

The only extension of home 

In a city that is not mine 
Like a landline 
With the spiralling cord holding my legs
Rooting me back in the ground

Soft voices
In 8 minute tracks
Warm white light
Washing faces at 2 A.M.
Laughter in spells of sleep
Love? Comfort?

An almost room 
With a name on top

Songs sent back and forth
Photographs
Conversations of 'facts'
Stars
Flowers
Poetry
Boxes that should be tagged 'miss'cellaneous

Misspelt words
Written through watering eyes
Desperately reaching out
Badly worded texts
With pruned fingers
Waddling through the drowning water

Traces of terrified fingers

Typing naive responses 

To older boys 
Trying their 'luck'
At what? A Fuck?
Asking about
Threads covering my skin
Questions I only understand now

Boxes I never open
With photos I never seeked
With texts I never read
Disgust echos in every fibre
Long lines of texts
Confessing supposed undying love
From both the unknown and oddly known
Bad rooms that I would rather lock

Arrows shot through
Anger and hurt
Confrontations 
Rolling eyes
Clenched teeth
Smashed screens
Realising the 'ends' in friends

Quick articulations
Meticulously chosen words
Sharp witty terms
Half-hearted burns
Terms 
Politics
Accusations
Name-calling
Blocking 
'Please go google'

Boxes with cobwebs
Memories so old 
That even feelings have now gone cold

Turning twenty is terrifying, moving out of the 'teenage' years fills me with an odd sense of growing up and dread. I have always been a person who has not allowed myself to indulge in 'teenagery' things, especially I've never let my poetry be about teen cliches and crisis or cringe. This week I let myself indulge in the cringiest cliches of being a teenager because it is the last time I get to, so here you have it teenagery musings before I complete two decades. 

Time Travelling

I am stuck.

The fabric of time has wound itself around me
I stepped in, mesmerized by the colours
And now

I am stuck.

Taped to this tapestry
Sewn-in which are tales of my history
Of what little is left in memory

I am stuck.

On a day of the past
Sitting in front of a little television
Now things get a little fast;

The television shows
With all the blows
The Contra game
Mario jumping into his fame
My father
My mother
My family
On the carpet giggling
Cutting pictures together laughing
The trees
The Bees
That bit me too often, alright
The colours are bright
As we paint a pot
The winds outside carry shades of hues
Painting the world, a colour other than the blues
My room with fairy-lights strewn
Glowing stars on the roof
Board games
Bored games
Everything

And stop.

I am stuck.

Like a cassette stuck on the same song
Nostalgia;
That has lasted too long

I am stuck.

The winds just carry blues and greys
These days
Time is now just a blurry haze
Passing, as I sit and gaze

I am stuck.

Little Lessons My Dad Has Taught Me

How to shop
Always use your gut feeling as a guide, Because if it doesn't instantly 'click' it isn't worth it,
Always remember to bargain, no matter the price.

How to socialise 
Talk to everyone and anyone,
From the guard at the gates,
To telling jokes to the shopkeeper inside,
Everyone has a story to tell
And a story worth hearing

How to garden
Always trim the leaves a little,
Water regularly,
Add manure every month,
But most importantly- talk to them,
Tell them how well they're growing,
How proud of them you are,
And how loved they are

How to spot shapes in clouds
Find a curve nearest to the sun,
Close one eye,
Put your finger against it,
Draw across the rest of the cloud,
And then let your imagination do the magic

A picture of one of the first planes my dad flew

How to keep memories
Click a picture of everything and anything,
Nothing is too little to matter,
Write it down,
As a poem, 
A story, 
Anything that keeps the moment alive,
For years to come along

My dad at 6 AM arranging flowers, making a mess 

How to Take Care of Flowers
Find the prettiest vase in the house,
Cut the base of the stems,
Put them in fresh water everyday,
Pull out the dried petals,
Remember the person who gave them to you, 
Everytime you see them in the day,
Pat your own head if they're a gift to yourself

My plate from a breakfast buffet

How to eat a buffet
Remember every buffet is an opportunity to decorate your plate,
Stay light on the appetizers,
Taste everything,
Don't be afraid to go for second servings (or even a hundredth)
Smile at everyone you see,
Because unlimited good food, music and cola,
Make life worth living